Social Media

Facebook, Your Brand Is A Heart-Breaker!

Facebook, Your Brand Is A Heart-Breaker!

Oh, Facebook, you hurt my feelings

Again, baby!

Oh, we’ve had a rocky relationship right from the start.

And each time you hurt me, we kiss and make up, and then we slowly slide back into the state of normalcy. Correction: I slowly slide into your new definition of normalcy.

You give me vague explanations. You tell me that this is for my own good. But I’m beginning to wonder about this relationship. I’m beginning to see the light.

You’re a wicked soul mate, Facebook.

I’m hooked on you… as a product.

A product is something we buy and sell. It’s something we use.

Sure, it’s cool that you let me use this valuable product for free and then you monetize it. You sell advertising. Cool.


A brand, however, is a relationship.

A brand is so much more than a logo or a trademark.

It’s an expectation of an experience.

A great brand inspires trust.

A great brand inspires loyalty.

And your brand sucks.

You’re riding high because your product is the biggest game in Palo Alto. Will that last forever? When the chips are down, will your brand carry you, Facebook? Will it? Will it?

Have you built strong, trusting relationships?

Not with me, baby!

I’m not too upset that Mark Wunderkind Zuckerberg (allegedly) screwed his best college friend out of millions… billions… while insisting he’s not driven by money.

I’m not too upset that I have to adapt to this week’s “new views” on my homepage. I’ve been keeping up with technology for 30 years, and I can handle this.

But I do question why you feel you need to be the editor of my life, of the community that I’ve stored on your platform, Facebook. What other bits of my information are you editing?

I do question why you were commercializing my data without notifying me. I found out through other, more trustworthy relationships. They coached me on how to proactively adjust the settings that you surreptitiously manipulated and abused.

I’m upset that you’ve been cheating on me, Facebook!

I’m upset that I heard it through the grapevine!

I’m upset that our relationship is always on your terms!

Oh, I’ve been such a fool! I now see that… you’re just using me, Facebook!

I’ve pulled myself together. I’ve wised up. And now I’m just gonna’ use you back… your heartless product, that is. I’m just gonna’ use it.

But your brand?


You ain’t been showin’ me the love, honey!

Your brand has breached my trust.

I can only imagine what you’re doing when you come home a little late and then feed me that line of bull… you and your nerdy friends eating pizza at the office while writing HTML code.

My imagination runs wild. I’ve got pictures in my head of you runnin’ around town, sellin’ my soul to the highest bidder, sellin’ my data to any bidder, and then tellin’ me that everything’s gonna’ be just fine.

Oh, I’ve wised up alright, Facebook.

And I’m sorry, baby, but… I don’t love you any more.

Sure, I still need you. I’ve gotten used to this lifestyle, and I need this roof over my head for a little while longer.

But it won’t be long and I’ll be cheating on you, too, Facebook. When another product of equal utility comes around, my heart won’t hold me down to your brand.

I just know I’ll start sneakin’ out out the back door from time to time… with another social network!

You can bet that if that relationship starts working for me, if I start building trust in that brand… I’m just gonna’ walk right out that door, honey.

Because I don’t trust you.

And that’s not my fault.

Your brand sucks.


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